I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
