If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
