so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
