what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
