she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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