I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
