Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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