you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
