Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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