i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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