tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
