dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
