I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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