So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
