You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
