I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
