a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
