he thought i was a dude.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
