I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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