He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
