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my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
