3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I touched a dick in church today
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
