Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
