everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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