my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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