hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
