I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
