Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
