Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
