In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Randomize
