Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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