Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
