this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
