I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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