It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
