She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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