I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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