I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i will never coherently bang her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
