So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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