You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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