NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
