I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
