I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
