The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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