literally had 100 drinks last night.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
