dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
