just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
