i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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