I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
