Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
