He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
