True but thats because hes a fetus.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I know her cup size but not her name....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
