how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
