Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
