is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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