pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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