Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
