please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
