I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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